Why Do I Hesitate?
by alimerin1
Summary: He stole from the guild, violated the Deadric Prince Nocturnal, killed Gallus and stabbed me inside the ruins of Snow Veil Sanctum. Mercer Frey is a man who I should despise with every fiber of my being. So why is it I cannot bring myself to end his life? OCxMercer Frey. Rated M for language and some more risky themes like murder and implied sex. No smut.


_**A/N: I'm back on my Skyrim binge, and I am loving it. This takes place in the SAME universe as the Skyrim game, however some tweaks to Mercer Frey's personality.**_

 _ **Summary:**_ ** _He stole from the guild, violated the Deadric Prince Nocturnal, killed Gallus and stabbed me inside the ruins of Snow Veil Sanctum. Mercer Frey is a man who I should despise with every fiber of my being. So why is it I cannot bring myself to end his life? OCxMercer Frey. Rated M for language and some more risky themes like murder and implied sex. No smut._**

 _ **Enjoy the story!**_

* * *

"Come on lass, you've got him!"

 _'I've got him...'_

"Just stab him through the heart and be done with it!"

 _'Just stab him through... the... heart...'_

Here lies Mercer Frey, a man who stole from the guild and tried to kill me inside Sow Veil Sanctum. He lied to me, he betrayed me, her took my world and flipped it upside down.

But as I look at the man underneath me, my foot on his stomach and my sword barely grazing his chest, I can't bring myself to stab him in the chest. Why do I hesitate?

* * *

 **A Year and A Half Ago**

I was brought into the Cistern when I had seen 23 winters. According to Brynjolf, there was something about me that made me stick out among the other recruits. At the time I just thought he ate some bad hoarker loaf, and that the feeling would fade away with the coming seasons. Mercer Frey seemed to agree with me.

Mercer Frey was an insufferable man who barely spoke two words to me, and when he administered his test of my aptitude, I seriously had believed he wanted me out of the guild faster than I could breath.

"Mercer? This is the one I was talking about... our new recruit" I slowly followed Brynjolf's footsteps into the Cistern, listening to the drops of water fall into the sewage surrounding the stone walkways. Upon reaching the middle, I had come face to face with Mercer himself  
"This better not be another waste of the Guild's resources, Brynjolf" He had almost sounded annoyed with the idea of another guild member joining their group. As Brynjolf had stated in the market place the organization had been having a run of bad luck, so wouldn't new members to earn more coin be a good thing?  
His grey eyes fell on me, and I felt a cold shiver run down my spine, like death had pressed its lips against mine and was bringing me to peaceful lands of Sovengarde. Something about him looking at me the way he did made my blood as cold as the Sea of Ghosts. "Before we continue, I want to make one thing perfectly clear. If you play by the rules, you walk away rich. You break the rules and you lose your share. No debates, no discussions... you do what we say, when we say," His eyes pierced through me as they narrowed into a slit, "Do I make myself clear?"  
I tried to keep my cool, and nodded my head, "Yes, I understand" It would seem he would not take any other answer lightly, so I felt as if this was the only way to go.  
"Good. Then I think it's time we put your expertise to the test."

And that damn test was brutal. Goldenglow had been chalked full of mercenary's, and the safe was under expert locks. And if their veteran Vex couldn't get in, then what chance did I have? Yet, I somehow came out the other side with the estate bill in hand. Sometimes, I wish I had failed that mission somehow.

After Goldenglow, Mercer Frey had begun to seek me out more. He would often tell me that while I showed "good promise" I was nowhere near good enough to be declared a true thief. He would say that Nords were too clunky to go unheard, and that I would be better in the companions and not mucking up their chances. Now, I understood that I was shorter than most Nords, which put me at disadvantages among my own. But, to be bossed around like this by a Breton, who was often shorter than most Nords but still taller than me, pissed me off. To add insult to injury, he also seemed to enjoy the rise he got out of me when he would make some off hand comment about the work I had done that day. And I could not put my finger on why that was.

One late night, after a difficult job in Solitude, I walked into the Flagon hoping to find it empty. Much to my displeasure, it was not. Mercer Frey sat at a table by the crates to the left of the bar, drinking his way down a bottle of Black Briar Mead. He flicked those grey eyes up at me, and I saw a small smirk play across his face before taking a drink. I bit the inside of my cheek and chose to sit in Delvin's usual spot, away from Mercer.

"Well, well, I haven't seen you around the Cistern in awhile" His voice was the first to break the silence, to which I only nodded. I knew I had to respond to him, so I yanked the cork out of my own bottle of mead off the table.  
"I've been busy"  
"Yes, I heard. A trip to Solitude to pick some person's pocket. Must have been very difficult"  
"If you take into account that this man worked in the market and spent his nights inside The Winking Skeever and the fact I would rather not spend a night in jail then yeah, it was difficult" I shook my head and pulled back my hood. I had ended up following the guy for a few days, trying to find a good moment to slip my hand around his and take the ring. I took a swig of my mead before opening my mouth again, "And the fact that Solitude is all the way across the continent, which means it takes longer to get here"

I heard the sound of wood on stone, understanding that it was Mercer getting out of his chair. Believing that he was walking back into the Cistern, I pulled the cloth that held my hair back out, letting the long hair flow down my back once more. I took back to drinking my mead when his voice, much closer than before, rang through my ears like a gong.

"How lovely" The words hit me differently this time making my blue eyes shoot up to find the source of the voice. Mercer was nowhere to be seen, so I stood up and walked towards the middle of the Flagon. He had obviously blended into the shadows, it was only a matter of finding him in the shadows.  
"Mercer, what are you talking about?" I looked around, hoping to catch a glimmer of where he hid.  
"You never take your hair down inside the guild," His voice moved, and I moved trying to catch it, "It is only now that I get to admire how long it is" I felt arms wrap around me from behind. I turned around and ended looking up at him, his smirk still plastered on his face.  
"Let me go" I lowered my voice, and tried to push myself away from him. His hands unwound from me, but instead gripped my hips.  
"What if I don't want too?"  
"I'll stab you"  
"No you won't" His voice became low as well, as he lowered his face till our noses touched, "You know, it's times like this after I've drank a bit that I begin to wonder what those lips taste like" He chuckled, "And judging by who you are and how young you are, I'm assuming no one has figured that out"

My cheeks became hot, out of embarrassment mixed with anger. This type of behavior contrasted almost greatly to the one I left about a week ago. The Mercer from a week ago I could handle, I knew that Mercer. This one was like a foreign enemy that I had just met on the battlefield, and one wrong step could land me at the feet of a priest of Arkay.

"Mercer, what in Oblivion are you doing?" I spat my words out, trying to put as much anger and force into them as I could. However, I had stopped my struggle to be set free from his arms, an action to which I did not know had stopped in the first place.

He hushed me and grinned. I felt his left arm snake around my waist as his right moved up to cradle the back of my head. Before any more words escaped me, his lips landed on mine. All of the sudden, the room around me became a blur and I let myself be brought closer to him. His lips felt soft, softer than I would even have thought to imagine. Soon, my body took over and my arms wrapped around his neck and my eyes shut. It was just a simple kiss, but it ended up shooting electricity through my body. I had never even thought of kissing Mercer Frey for a moment, but now that it was happening I was enjoying each second of it. He ended up pulling away from me, and mumbled something about honey, before walking away into the Cistern.

I watched him disappear, like nothing had just happened. I felt like I was having some sort of skooma trip.

"What the actual fuck?"


End file.
